Trust Issues!

Feeling insecure about trusting you. As hard as I try to believe theres nothing to worry about, i'm still left uncertain. A relationship without trust possible? A "good" relationship should have no trust issues, so ask myself: why be with someone I dont trust? My response to self is that I love her. I cant be without her. But then, I think, how can we work if I don't trust her? Being mature as I am, I think about her feelings instead of being selfish. What if one day I get to the point when I cant handle these insecure feelings when it comes down to trust and I end up leaving her. She could be more deeply in love with me and i'd hurt her a lot, so why not save her some pain and break it off now so that doesn't hurt as much. No! I cant do that, I love her too much. Maybe it's a issue I just have to deal with. After all, if this love I think I feel is real, i should be willing to fight against anything that tries to get in the middle of us.

Actually, I dont think I feel love, i know I feel it. How could you not love something so perfect. She has beautiful eyes, a beautiful face, a beautiful personality, etc.. Her as a whole is just simply beautiful. Have you ever been with a person that has this crazy ability to make you happy? Well, she makes me so happy. On top of that, being with her further motivates me to want to be a better person and to be something in life. Being with her feels so right. Everything is perfect about her, but the only problem is, I dont know how to trust her. Shes never done anything to make me not trust her. Well, there was this one situation I never really understood which has kind of had me on super alert ever since, but I was having trust issues before the situation. Maybe i'm profiling her. I did have this idea of her when I first met her. To be honest, she seemed like the easy type. I still do feel that way.

I've seen her past, I've heard her past. We've discussed her past. Her past made my idea of her more realistic. She explained to me the reasons behind her past actions and I really felt for her and understood why she did the things she did. But that doesn't let me know if shes still that person or not. Maybe i'm over thinking and I just need to relax. As I write this, I feel a little better, it feels good to express and communicate your feelings from time to time. Now, I wonder.. should I let her read this? It's a debate. I dont want her to be upset, but at the same time she should know whats going on in my head, right?

Yeah, she does need to know.